President Trump has ordered the National Guard to begin protecting the Southern border of the United States, until funding for a wall can be obtained and built.  

For now, the National Guard has been instructed to form a human wall by linking arms.  Mexico has responded by amassing a large amount of professional "Red Rover" players in what is expected to be the largest game of Red Rover in the hemisphere.  

Red Rover is a children's game where one person tries to break through the other teams chain of children, who link hands or arms to form a strong barrier, and is wildly popular in elementary school yards.  

Mexican President Nieto put out a press release that read "If the American President insists on acting like a child, we will respond appropriately."

President Trump responded by sending a line of DEA agents to stand behind the National Guard and collect "bags of drugs" that the Red Rover players are "likely to throw over the wall of National Guardsmen".  

The team of Red Rover players are expected to start "sending a person over" as early as this weekend, and are fully expected to be prepared to clothesline the National Guardsmen if needed.

Parents everywhere have been sending in their stories to the popular documentary series "I Survived".  
According to the website for the show they normally deal with near death experiences and how people overcome unbelievable circumstances told by the person themselves. 
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And now, mothers, fathers, caregivers, and even the occasional grandparent have decided that a week with their children on Spring Break qualifies.

Lucy Smith from Albany, New York explains.  "It was like a tornado hit my house.  All of a sudden I had three children cooped up in a house, it's too cold outside, it's not Christmas, we weren't going on vacation anywhere - they were going insane.  I started just throwing Fruit Loops at them to distract them, so I could leave the room and sneak outside to cry silently into my Camilla bushes, while dreaming of the days they are all in school."